We All We Have Our Nightmares
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Spencer Reid and David Rossi both find out that the other has his own special form of nightmares...and find common ground in the discussion. Reid - Rossi friendship.


_**Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who has been patiently waiting for our stories to be posted. We appreciate your support and apologize for any delays. Real life, however, has taken precedence! We always want to be able to provide you with quality stories and chapters, so our postings may be a bit sporadic over the next month.**_

_**Please...check out our new forum topic: A Fanfic Glossary! We want to know if you guys find it helpful and our topic thread "Our Stance on the 2010 Criminal Minds Fanfic Awards". We have also opened a Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior thread where you may discuss the show (respectfully, of course). We also have a forum announcing our fellow author's (Kathi1C) new IheartCriminalMinds blog. You can ask her questions and get directions on going to her site.**_

_**As always, we do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters that we so enjoy writing. If we did own them, we would have never had JJ leave!**_

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**We All Have Our Nightmares**

_**Fanfic Challenge 2010 Assignment Prompt - **__**Rossi/Reid**_

As far as he was concerned, Friday could not come soon enough.

He'd known coming back to the Bureau after all these years was going to be an adjustment. Hell, Hotch had warned him. Things...people...they were all different now.

The lone wolf mentality was a thing of the past. Now, much to his dismay, profilers traveled in packs, each contributing a different perception to the case...each adding a different layer to consider. Interesting, true. Effective, maybe. But, this working and playing well with others bullshit was wearing his rapidly fraying nerves down to the nub.

And the kid was the worst.

Dr. Spencer Reid was a certifiable genius; he had no doubt of that. But the young man had definitely been groomed by Jason Gideon. He analyzed everything. To death. For him, there was no such thing as "the gut instinct". And that wasn't something he could teach, no matter how much the kid followed him around like a puppy dog.

For days, he'd listened to the younger man's questions...patiently waited as the eager team member had recited, verbatim, quotes from his book. He'd tried to plaster a mildly interested look on his face and play nice with the other kids. Damn, how he'd tried.

But, he wasn't Jason. He never would be...hell, didn't wanna be! He had barely managed to tolerate the philosophical fool when they'd worked together. And now, it was as if a Gideon mini-clone now haunted him every waking minute of his professional life.

"Agent Rossi?" he heard a now all too familiar voice call behind him as he walked toward the elevator. "Do you have a moment, Sir? I've got some questions about your time at Ruby Ridge, if that's okay!"

Stepping onto the elevator, Dave cringed as he heard those two words. _Ruby Ridge._ An event he'd tried hard to put behind him and never bring back to mind. "I wrote it all in the book, Reid," he said, grimacing as the younger man stepped into the elevator car with him. "What I'll talk about is already written," he said firmly.

"But..." Reid began, his eyebrows furrowing in consternation as he peered at his respected new co-worker.

Lips compressing, Dave reached out to jam his finger against the stop button, abruptly stalling lift as he turned to face the young doctor. Eyes flashing, Dave growled, "Kid, maybe you're too young...too inexperienced to realize this, but there are some cases we see...maybe you haven't seen one yet...but you just can't talk about them and stay sane. Remembering them means you have to relive the nightmare. I thought writing about Ruby Ridge," he said, nodding at the book in Reid's hand, "I thought it would be cathartic. That I'd just purge all my emotion into the written page. I'd be factual...I'd tell it like it was. Except that was impossible. There's no way you see something like that...no way you watch innocent people die and remain unemotional. Not unless you're a fucking robot. And for the record, I'm not."

"Agent Rossi, I never thought..."

"That's right, Dr. Reid," Dave ground out, "You didn't _think_. That part of my career is something I don't discuss with anyone. Ever. Read the prologue. I clearly stated that the remarks in that book were the only comments that I _ever _intended to make and I meant it."

"I'm sorry, sir," Reid whispered roughly, his eyes falling to the book in his shaking hands.

Relenting slightly, Dave shook his head. "You're young, Reid. Green. And I don't mean that negatively. But you'll learn the longer you do this job, that sometimes there are cases that are too painful to remember. Cases that, if you let linger in your mind too long, will drive you mad. Ruby Ridge is that case for me. It was one of the driving factors in my leaving the Bureau the first time."

"I didn't realize," Reid murmured, his lips twisting from side to side.

"I still have nightmares, kid. I still wake up in a cold sweat locked back in those days," Dave expanded truthfully, half-way wondering why he was choosing this moment to spill his guts. "And talking about it...it makes it worse."

"I understand the nightmares, sir," Reid said faintly. "I have one or two of my own. I may not have had Ruby Ridge, but I did have Tobias Henkle. He was my own personal hell. And I still live with him."

"Then maybe you can see why I can't talk to you about that time in my life," Dave replied softly, his eyes softening as he noted the obvious pain reflected in Spencer Reid's expressive eyes. "We all have our own nightmares, Reid."

"I know," Reid acknowledged simply. "I tried to purge mine through drugs. You tried to write a book about it," he shrugged. "We all have our coping mechanisms, I suppose."

"The key to it, Reid, if I may be blunt, is that we can't allow the nightmares in our past to influence where our future goes. You fought your addiction. You fight it every day, and from what I hear, you're being successful. I deal with my nightmare by concentrating on the unsubs that I can apprehend, the nightmares that I CAN stop for others. I suggest you try to do the same. That's the knowledge that I gleaned from that hell hole known as Ruby Ridge, son."

"Thank you, Agent Rossi," Reid stated with soft dignity, his shaking hands finally stilling. "I think I understand you better now."

"I doubt that," Rossi smirked, jabbing the elevator button again, spurring the car back into motion. "But I think perhaps you and I have reached an understanding."

"Neither one of us are heroes," Reid said calmly as he nodded. "And we all have our nightmares."

"Now you're getting it, kid," Dave nodded as the car jarred to a stop in the lobby, the floor bouncing beneath their feet. "We good?" he asked as the door slid open.

"We're good, sir," Reid nodded, following him out. "I'm sorry I bothered you with my questions."

Well hell, Dave groaned to himself. He hadn't meant to hurt the kid's feelings. Jason Gideon had done enough of that shit...maybe not with his words, but with his cold hearted disappearance. "You don't bother me exactly, Reid," Dave lied smoothly, forcing a half-smile to his lips. "I just don't exactly know how to relate to you," he added truthfully.

"I get that a lot," Reid admitted with a shrug of his slim shoulders, his cardigan shifting.

Pursing his lips, Dave asked, "You leaving?" Watching the other man nod, Dave sighed. "All right. Look, as long as you agree not to question me like I'm on trial for murder or something, why don't we go grab a bite?"

"Really?" Reid asked, his eyes widening in surprise as he stared at the man who had suddenly made a complete turnabout.

Praying he didn't regret this, Dave nodded as he took a step toward the nearby cafe. He might not be able to be Spencer Reid's mentor, but the least he could do was work on being a friend.

Finis


End file.
